Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
