sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
