Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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