You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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