covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
