If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No...this little piggys going to the bar
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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