what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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