Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
