I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
