Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
