I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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