Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
