I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
