I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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