Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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