Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
