You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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