I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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