I just cut my nipple shaving
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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