he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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