Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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