is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
