he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize