This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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