Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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