Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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