If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
