I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
