so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
