I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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