you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize