So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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