I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
