We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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