Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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