i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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