hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we're making bets on your personal life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
