And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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