what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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