He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
