i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
