Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
