no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
