My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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