just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
