my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
