4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
