after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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