I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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