It's like a parade of train wrecks.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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