UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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