I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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