I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
