At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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