A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize