Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
