worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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