I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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