next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
