dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
