hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
