You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
