you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
